Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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