Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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