I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She's the barista slut.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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