just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
