If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
