If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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