I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
