he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Pooping to opera.
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