gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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