hotel room ftw
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
