if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize