what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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