So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
