my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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