My underwear smells like fireworks.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
