you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
