I love black thongs
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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