Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
