so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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