Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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