I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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