Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
