Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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