i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
