Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will pee on everything he values.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
