just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What drink are we having for lunch?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
