Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize