First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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