sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
