yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
