when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize