Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
