my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
