Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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