i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
