if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
