He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
