Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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