I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize