my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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