so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
