I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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