Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
