Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
