Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
