her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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