I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
