i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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