I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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