im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
