yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
