We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
