I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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