We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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