I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
