Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
