and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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