remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
