IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
