do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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