she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
