Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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