remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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