yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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