This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
