Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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