Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
