dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
