yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
