Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize