I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
