god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
