you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
