I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My dick has a subreddit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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