i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
