dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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