Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
