She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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