But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
