...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were destined to go to rehab together
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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