I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
