I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
