Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
