He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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