: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
