I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
