9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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