i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
