I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
