I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
