Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can I color on your dick again?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
