Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
