1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
