note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
