im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
