I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize