Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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