addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
