Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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