were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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